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Georgia
Georgia is on Florida like white on rice. Georgia's Views Acording to the internets Georgians do not feel that they are part of The United States, but rather a country in their own right. They believe that Georgia is located in the former Soviet Union and not a democracy, but rather a republic, with its capital in some shithole called Tblisi. The state also claims to be the "Peach State", but really, the truthiness of the matter is that, when it comes to peaches, South Carolina kicks Georgia's lass Chest of a Woman The state continues to attract those who oppose labor unions, don't understand figurative language, and consider Ameropa Budweiser to be beer. American Georgia Landmarks There are five major landmarks in the state of Georgia. * Stone Mountain, the world's largest exposed piece of granite. * The Gold Dome. This is the state capitol building, the dome of which is covered in gold that was brought from the nation's first Gold Rush. * Dahlonega, site of the nation's first gold rush. * Bell Acres Resort, a nudist park located near Maysville, Georgia. Colbert is rumored to be a frequent guest, as are his fangirls. Famous American Georgians Famous Georgians include: * Jimmy Carter - he may be a Democrat, but he's still cool in my book * Clarence Thomas - Stands behind our President * Officer Don Kennedy * Bill Tush * John Lewis - Congressman * Monica Kaufman * Scott Slade Georgia Culture Georgia's greatest cultural contribution had gone virtually unnoticed until earlier this year when the media accidentally discovered that a professional athlete had been arrested. Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was arrested and charged with dog-fighting in another less culturally advanced state. In Georgia, dog fighting is considered high art. Despite rumors of brutality, the sport is actually one of great challenge. In it, a man strips down to his underwear and is smeared with bacon fat. He then climbs into a cage with a dog that weighs at least one half of his own weight. The dog, having had its food withheld for three days, attempts to eat the man while the man attempts to pin the dog to the ground for a ten-count. The term "man" is not meant to imply that the state would, in some backward, redneck way, limit the sport to males. The game is open to bitches! Driving in Georgia In 1843, I-20 was extended into and through Atlanta, bringing the total to 17 interstates that pass through the greater metro area today. At least 80% of residents drive on at least 3 interstates during their daily commutes. The average speed across I-75/85 (also known as the Downtown Connector) is approximately 90 mph during periods of light traffic, and 20 mph during the other 22 hours each day. Truckers generally avoid the downtown area using the perimeter interstate, I-285. At least three additional concentric interstates are proposed to lessen traffic on I-285: I-285 Extreme, the I-285 Super Loop, and I-285 EFB (Elderly Floridian Bypass). The EFB will have a speed limit of 40 mph that will be strictly enforced unless driving an SUV weighing over 4 tons. When driving in downtown Atlanta, it is suggested that tourists and other visitors hire a local off the street to avoid driving unaided. One-way streets and the many Peachtree-named roads routinely lead GPS-based drivers into sink holes, across non-existent bridges, and to shady music venues. After major events, Atlanta Police will block random roads and force you to turn in directions opposite your intended destination. This is not meant to make your drive excessively roundabout, but is rather a way to guarantee that less-used roads are evenly eroded. It also serves as a good time to test your GPS's ability to recalculate on the fly. If your GPS says "No, you idiot, I said turn right!", simply reply "The cop made me turn left!" and that should shut it up. Air Travel All air travel in Atlanta flows through the world's largest airport, Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Young King Memorial International Airport (ATL). When arriving via an international flight, be sure to pack at least two meals to consume while waiting for customs. The airport management realizes that security checks are the best part of any post-9/11 flight, and as such will require you to go through an additional security check (complete with shoe removal) after you proceed through customs. If driving to pick up a passenger, a full tank of gas is suggested as vehicles are not allowed to stop at the curb and there is no vehicle waiting area, so you will be circling for hours if your friend's flight is late. This is a good opportunity to test your car's blind spots as you merge during each loop. A Typical Day In Georgia #Wake up with some random you picked up at the local walmart # Realise she's a man # Escape # Chill at the mall and check out all of the 12 year old sluts # Sacrifice a virgin or two (depends on how upset the Dark Lord is) # Back to Walmart to find a new bitty # Steal staff room fridge # Return fridge full of dead mice and beer # Call health inspector # Buy Jeep to compensate for what you don't got # Listen to T.Mills # Paint Jeep pink to pick up the seventeen years old # et call from previous one night stand cliaming she's prgenant. Say it's the wrong number # Convince the 48 year old cougar to buy you a rhino # Sleep with cougars daughter # Ring kids helpline about childrens addresses # Light local daycare on fire in frustration due to small genitalia # Turkey slap a cross dressing hooker # Grab random woman from Walmart carpark at 3am # Sleep with said woman # Do it all over again the next day Strange Laws in Georgia Believe it or not, it is still a law on the legal books of Georgia that requires all white males to carry a shot gun with them (ammo included of course) to their places of worship on Sundays. This is because during its earlier days as a state, the indians living on the frontier realized that on a particular day of the week, the white man liked to gather in this one particular building that was conveniently very flammable. While this is no longer the case, any attempt to revoke the law will result in the righteous indignation of a bunch of religious gun toting rednecks. Notable Events in Georgia History Georgia is the first State to be Mexican free and they could not be any happier! In a separate event, it is predicted that Georgia's crops and economy will collapse by the end of the month. Which means more cheap labor! See Also * Atlanta, Georgia * Colbert, Georgia External Tubes *Charitable Organizations in *Georgia Independence! Footnotes External Tubes *Socialized Medicine will track your urination habits *Real American supports government mandated chaos *Town Mexican free for five years! *Georgia's great hero arrested for being a drunken patriot *Georgia uncovers Obama's secret plot to overthrow America